Splendid at the Checkout I couldn't decide if she was ridiculous in her splendor, or splendid in her ridiculousness. The first thing that caught my eye perched on her head. From the baking products aisle of the Countdown grocery store, the head lump looked like a white beehive. A closer look from the checkout line revealed this 80-something Kiwi glama-gramma had fashioned a turban from (I think...) a pair of nylon stockings. It was braided and snaked around a mass of grey-blond hair. 12 Magpies could nest in that turban. Glama-gramma chatted easily with the checker, clutching her receipt between shiny fake fuchsia talons. Diamond-looking rings sparkled from several fingers. A thick paste of sky-blue cream eyeshadow and long, fake, black eyelashes obscured her eyes. Her lips and wrinkled cheeks were painted bright pink She'd decorated herself like a Christmas tree, wearing a dozen or 20 silver necklaces and roughly the same number of jingly silver bracelets, the kind with ...
When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home. - Erma Bombeck